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The Unspeakable: How to Neutralise the Bullies of the Office Playground

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“I thought I had left them behind in school”; Cheryl had tears in her eyes while cluing me in on her situation at work. The atmosphere was casual enough when we met - a lazy Sunday afternoon at a local pub, nearly empty due to pandemic woes. Cheryl was, however, high strung while talking about what was agonizing her; the constant bullying she had to face at work over a two-year period. Cheryl may become a mere statistic in the staggering numbers. Astonishing surveys reveal that almost 67% of bullying victims are women and 70% of bullies are men. While socio-cultural factors may account for this, it stands to reason that bullies do not belong to any particular gender, ethnicity, religion or age group. All bullies, however, have a few things in common.


Is the harassment similar to playground bullying?

Many employees suffer from severe mistreatment at work by superiors, co-workers and sometimes even subordinates in the form of persistent exposure to open as well as subtle forms of aggression. The effect of being singled out and stigmatised is traumatic on the target; taking a toll on their mental and physical health as well as their performance at work. Often, the organisations, and in cases the targets themselves, are unwilling to accept the very existence of the problem. The implications for the organisation are nevertheless severe with direct impact on productivity and several indirect impacts. In the modern workplace, people from diverse backgrounds spend hours together in a confined space in a high stakes’ environment. Both bullying and office politics are ripe for flourishing in such scenarios.


Why do bullies bully?

Simply put - all bullies feel they have something to gain from their behaviour. Office bullies are not necessarily, however, the most popular “kids” on the block.


To know who are the bully’s likely targets, you need to know the bully. Office bullies are not very different from playground bullies. They are insecure, low on social and emotional quotient and fail to perceive their behaviour as a problem. They are struggling with their own issues at work. They bully to either deflect attention from themselves and their work or because a target has something they don’t possess.


Who do bullies target?

Surprisingly, anybody falling in these categories could become potential targets for the office bullies:


1. High performing Employees

If you are brilliant, efficient and creative you could become a potential target. Workplace bullies target the talented because they feel insecure or inferior or both. This applies to bullying bosses too, some of whom may go the extra mile to undermine the employee’s work, then steal the credit from right under their noses.


2. Those who are ‘good’ people

The bully generally wishes to control and dominate those around them. If you are a good ‘ethical’ employee entering the bully’s “workspace”, they could feel threatened that their tactics to retain power may not work. They resort to bullying to restore the balance.


3. Mr/Ms Popularity

Yes, these charmed ones may be subject to ‘bully attacks’ too. If bullies believe your like-ability poses a threat to their social status at work, they will pull out all stops to attack you.


4. The ‘vulnerable’ ones

How we perceive ourselves is often how others perceive us. If you perceive yourself as weak, vulnerable, anxious, low on self-esteem, needy or submissive, bullies are likely to be drawn to you as vultures to prey. Your already vulnerable position may be further damaged. Unlikely chance that you fall in this category of targets, it may be wise to consider therapy in addition to other remedies.


5. The ones who get pigeon holed

Sexism, ageism, racism, homophobia, religious phobia and many more such ‘isms’ and ‘phobias’ are present to some degree in organisations. A particularly toxic work culture provides fodder for these negativities to breed and manifest in the form of bullying against those who stand out. These bullies are usually narrow minded and bigoted in their personal lives as well. Employees could also be targeted for their personal appearance. If you are a target, it is important to not internalise this and remember that it is the bully’s behaviour which is at fault.


6. Those who are perceived to be “difficult”

Those who are perceived as difficult to get along with, mean, aggressive, opinionated or aloof may be targeted by the bully. What is surprising is that often these individuals themselves may be bullying currently or may have bullied in the past. In such cases, the cycle is complete and it is indeed worrisome for the organisation.


7. Employees who deal with high performers

If you report to high performing, aggressive and result oriented superiors you may become a target. Here too, organisation culture has a big role to play. If the management promotes a high stakes culture driven by target achievement and rewards high performance gained at any cost, individuals who are themselves talented may unknowingly vent their frustration on ‘lesser’ talented peers, who they perceive as ‘getting in their way’. Such bullies have generally higher than average IQ but score low on EQ.


If you are a target of workplace bullying how do you tackle it?

  • Personal attacks result in personal trauma, so this will be difficult, however, try not to internalise the bullying. This is definitely not about you, your work, your physical appearance or your ethnicity. You have every right to look the way you are, show up at work, belong to a particular gender or minority group. On the other hand, those who target you for being you, definitely have no right to do so. Disassociating yourself from the bully’s insults and viewing the bullying as their issue will help you claim back your power.


  • This is going to be tough as well, but will help you gain complete perspective. Separate the bully’s behaviour from the bully. It is not the bully who is bad, evil, miserable, Machiavellian or sadist - it is their behaviour. Often workplace bullies are found to have severe coping issues and are highly insecure. They are low on social and emotional quotient and refuse to acknowledge that their behaviour is a problem.


  • Disassociating the bully’s behaviour from them does not mean you condone it. Quite the contrary. You need to address how their bullying has affected you. Confide in a trusted confidante who can take a third-party view of the matter. It could be a friend, a relative or better yet a professional. Professional career counsellors and coaches are third parties who can offer great perspective. They will enable you to take the matter to conclusion by helping you identify the bullying behaviour, offering perspective, helping you regain your confidence and guiding you in case you wish to pursue the matter officially.


  • At some point of time, you may wish to confront the bully about their behaviour. Do this only if you have regained some lost emotional space and if you feel safe enough to confront. To gain advantage, you can fix an appointment with the bully at a neutral venue. While conversing, it is natural for you to lose your temper. However, try to keep your tone neutral and anger in check, so your conversation can be more productive. You can use a lot of ‘I’ pronouns rather than ‘You’ pronouns. Tell them about how their behaviour has affected you. Point specific incidents and stress on their repetitive nature. When you open the space for a conversation, your bully may back down in the face of your self-confidence.



  • Going official about it sounds scary but oftentimes it may be the option of last and best resort. If the bully is a co-worker, you may need to report the behaviour to a superior. Ensure the superior concerned is unbiased. Involving Human Resources may become mandatory if you decide to go official. Maintain records of incidents and gather eyewitness support.


Bullying is wrong. Its effects are long lasting and horrendous both for the individual and the organisation. We may not be directly involved in a bullying incident, however lending support to a target and renouncing the bystander status will go a long way to keep bullying in check.


This article was published in ET HR World. To commemorate the World Anti Bullying Week (17 Oct-23 Oct) let us take up the battle against bullying.

https://hr.economictimes.indiatimes.com/tag/bullying

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Founder- The Ethical Badass Factory. I Help Women Professionals With Potential Reprogram Their Subconscious To Do The Heavy Lifting In Their Careers So They Can Land Substantial Roles & High Salaries
Otherwise ambitious and hardworking women professionals, make career mistakes, when they face roadblocks they have not trained themselves to tackle. If they donot take the right action before self-sa…
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